How do you take care of yourself when you hit a wall?

DO YOU EVER HIT A WALL?

The kind where you wake up already feeling exhausted? 
Where you wonder where you’ll find the energy to keep going?

Today I hit my wall.  You know the wall - I think we’ve all hit it at times during this last exhausting year.

I feel shut down.  In the words of my son Max, and many in the mental health/autism community, I am “out of spoons.”  Out of energy, low motivation, and fatigued. 

Hitting the wall - when you run out of energy and motivation - happens to all of us at times. Even Superman meets his Kryptonite sometimes.

Where did my shutdown come from?  It’s not exactly a mystery.

The fatigue of the pandemic, the grief over losses that are coming closer and closer to my inner circle as well as in my patients’ lives. And the realistic knowledge that these losses will get worse before life gets better.  It’s hard not to feel exhausted facing that!

For each of us, the global sense of sadness, loss, and fear can be compounded by other stresses of every day life - a personal conflict here, a medical issue there, an unexpected broken dish, a bad night’s sleep. And for many of us, the long, cold winter days further add a seasonal component to a strong desire to just crawl back into bed and hibernate!  Yes, I have an element of seasonal affective disorder every winter; manageable but real.  

What contributes to your sense of fatigue? You can fill in your own blanks here for the things that can be your trigger or “last straw.”

Today I hit my wall, and woke up feeling that heaviness and sadness.  

Since this is the real world, I had things I simply had to get done. I had to set aside fatigue and muscle through it to meet my obligations, including care of clients, work obligations, and family stuff. Superwoman! I can compartmentalize with the best of them! I wasn’t necessarily on my A game, but I did just fine - giving myself permission to let “okay” be “okay enough.”

Now it’s midafternoon- and I’m faced with a pretty long Monday “to do” list.  And you know what I’m going to do with it?

I’m going to ignore it.

Bye bye, “to do list.” 

Bye bye, Superwoman cloak.

To that nagging voice of the adult Vivian Fischer, MD,  who has a lot of things to get done, I say “La, la, la, la, la, I don’t hear you!” (Childish? Perhaps.)

• Finding ways to rest and replenish is a critical part of maintaining resilience over time.

In the words of one of my wise therapist colleagues, “If you can’t give yourself some grace when you are in a shut down state, when can you?” 

It is so important to know and acknowledge those days of really low energy and honor them.  They are ok.  I know I will wake up on another day with more activated energy, more resolve, and more motivation.

On these low energy days, my “self care menu” looks different from the choices on other days. It will be less about how much I can get done, and less about how I can keep up the cheerful appearance of being energetically resilient.

Today I will practice simply sitting still with uncomfortable feelings and just letting them BE, knowing that pain and discomfort is impermanent. Today will be more about taking care of my body and soul, with the faith that my higher energy state will return.

Today will be a day that I care for myself with time for reflection, rest, meditation. Maybe I will cuddle with my cat, or really listen to a beautiful piece of music. Maybe I will sit in silence. Maybe today I will use my pockets of solitude for whatever arises, including keeping a space open for frustration or tears, without choking either one back.

When I arise - as I always do - on another day with my energy and resilience restored, I will write a more informative blog for you about the “polyvagal theory” and how that can be used to rethink and reorganize your self-care choices.  Perhaps that will be a more useful blog to many of you.

But for today, I’m keeping those energies to myself and allowing some healing to simply happen. And letting you know that it is perfectly OK, and healthy, to do that sometimes, if you have a low energy day.

Balance involves the deep acceptance that there is a time to be active, and a time to rest.

“If you can’t show yourself some grace when you’re feeling shut down, when can you?”

What are some of the ways you show yourself grace?  Share some ideas with me.  In future blogs, I’ll share some with you as well.

Sending you all love, and the self-compassion to recognize and honor yourself when you hit a similar wall.

In the meantime,

Mask up.

Wash your hands.

Stay safe and be well.