Back to school week; when there is no “new normal,” what is a parent to do?

Are your kids preparing to go back to school? What does that mean to you this year? What will the 2020-2021 school year look like for you?

Back to school week during COVID-19 - when the “new normal” doesn’t feel normal. When there isn’t even a “new normal” established. Learn from home? Virtual classes? Classrooms and COVID fears? Juggling working with tutoring your child?

Parents, how are your kids coping with this? And how are YOU coping?

Remember “normal?” Remember the joy of the “Back to School” week? This weekend, we Minnesotans would have been enjoying the State Fair, then perhaps heading to Target to buy the annual school list of new items - notebooks, pens, markers, calculators, lunchboxes. Perhaps the kids would be anxious about starting a new school. Perhaps they would be excited to see their friends. But we entered September knowing where our kids were going every morning. We knew we would drop them off (at the bus, at the door) and have a day to do our thing (work, home etc) in a reliable rhythm - which had activities, homework, dinners, and when possible, some relaxation.

We had a normal rhythm.

That normal has been turned topsy turvy in a perfect storm of confusing and conflicting data and policies, leaving some parents too many choices and some parents too few choices, and pretty much all parents struggling to make the world seem ok for themselves and their kids. What will Back to School look like for you? How do we cope when there is no normal, when everything is changing weekly or daily? How do we relax when we are faced with too many choices and a total disruption of our well-practiced rhythms?

In the next five or six days, I will offer thoughts and advice for your consideration about navigating different arenas of the ups and downs of the back to school week in this unsettling year.

This is showing up in my own life, as a mom and a grandmother. I am watching three “back to school” scenarios unfold in my own family. Any sound familiar?

My grandson Alex’s kindergarten start date has already been delayed twice; it's uncertain if the school will shift to a wholly virtual model. Alex's parents are scrambling to get child care coverage, as they are both working demanding full-time jobs while creatively corralling two VERY active preschool boys. They are also considering forming a “pod” with other families to hire a teacher for an in-home rotating home school if that should happen...it may strain the budget, but save their sanity.

My 16 year old son is going back to a school that is based on a one to one model of teaching in very small pods. They've installed plexiglass dividers between teachers and kids, and are planning 4 hour days (either morning or afternoon) with no shared spaces (lunch rooms, study halls) for congregating. Max is feeling anxious about school in general, but also has the added anxiety of wondering if it will be physically safe - will he bring the COVID virus back home with him?

This morning my 19 year old son’s “launch” into his much-anticipated freshman year at Berklee School of music was not what we'd expected. Our move to Boston (scheduled for this week) was abruptly cancelled 3 weeks ago, when the college decided to close campus for safety reasons, switching to an online model; really challenging for musicians! I am sad to say, there will be no setting up dorm rooms, no meeting the new roommate, no waving goodbye before we set tearfully/happily back to Minneapolis. Instead, today I sat at my desk upstairs in a parent Zoom orientation call, while Ari sat in the basement “meeting” other freshmen on a cellphone Zoom orientation, to “make new friends and build community" in a moderated chat.

It doesn’t feel normal. It just doesn't feel normal.

And, quite honestly, I miss "normal."

As I speak to parents of kids all ages, I hear these themes resonate; of optimism and resilience, of anxiety and stress, of yearning for a sense of normalcy that just doesn’t come.

So here is the bad news:

There is no “normal” at this time.

The disruption in our sense of normal school life is real, and we aren’t going back to “normal” any time soon. This entire school is likely to be very different, and likely to change in unexpected ways. It simply won’t be what we would have anticipated or hoped for before COVID.

And here is the good news:

This entire school is likely to be very different, and likely to change in unexpected ways, and won’t be what we would have anticipated or hoped for before COVID.

Yup, COVID has disrupted our world, our homes, our friendships, our society.

But like any “disruptive technology,” the change brings both challenges and possibilities for something different - and different can mean BETTER. Just like the Chinese character that means both “danger” and “opportunity.” Risks and opportunities will coexist this year. The trick will be to meet the challenges, and seize the opportunities, the best we can as individuals and as Moms and Dads. Acknowledge the losses and difficulties, manage the anxiety, develop resilience. Focus on our values and priorities and what we want our kids to learn, and how we want them to learn it. And somehow, somehow, stay sane and even flourish in the process.

What I can tell you now is this; You got this. You are an expert in YOUR KID, YOUR HOME, and your needs, and you will be able to navigate this situation. You got this.

What I recommend now is this; BREATHE. Feel what you feel. Then breathe again.

Are you breathing? Keep doing that.

Then give your kid a big hug (if they will allow it.)

School will begin. Our kids will learn and grow. Our families will learn and grow.

I will address more details in additional posts this week.

Leave comments below; what are your concerns? What would you like to read about?