Do exams and interviews make you nervous? Me, too.

Do interviews and exams make you nervous? Do you get performance anxiety?

Do you sometimes feel that you need to be perfect to be successful?

Me, too.

We all get nervous like this sometimes - and today was my exam day. While a little anxiety fuels better outcomes, too much anxiety can be tough on the mind and body. I had to find my sweet spot for today’s Duke Certification oral exam.

It’s hard not to feel nervous when you know you are being “graded” on your performance!

I just finished my oral exam for Duke integrative health coaching final certification. Flop sweat. Palpitations. Deep breaths. Staying present. Now, DONE! And I will say - out loud - I think I did a pretty good job. But not perfect. I heard myself make mistakes.

Formally passing this final “exam” will allow me to claim "Duke-certified coach" in my coaching "title," as opposed to "trained at Duke." They are very particular about how their name is attached, and I had to complete an additional 100 hour graduate course, multiple mentoring/ review of my actual client session recordings, and undergoing both written and oral exams, to earn this certification. It's been a challenge to do this process virtually in the time of COVID isolation!

Today my examiner used a "staged" (fake) coaching scenario, rather than their own authentic life scenario. The session was recorded for independent audit, to make sure I am hitting all the marks (especially within Duke's very firm structure of coaching sessions). But I generally do sessions that are longer than 25 minutes, so today I had the added pressure of the ticking clock. I had also seen the “rubric” that I would be graded on; knowing what expectations are going to be helps to minimize anxiety by allowing preparation - but also can create a sense of self-consciousness. Thus, the “flop sweat.”

As an aside, one of the things that differentiates coaching from psychotherapy is in its emphasis on using the client’s values and vision to keep the emphasis on moving forwards towards emotionally and physically healthy goals. I try to touch on every one of these values in each of my sessions with my clients! Moving my coaching clients towards a healthier, aligned vision of themselves is an honor and a true pleasure. But I’m not often “graded” by anyone other than my clients on how I am doing.

Duke teaches a very organized and structured approach to coaching!

This was one of my student scenarios. I try to holistically listen to each client’s individual values and mindset as they work to clarify and attain their own specific goals, and this is a nice structure to return to. It is also helpful, in an exam setting, to return to this firm structure to make sure I “satisfy all the requirements” of the exam structure! Knowing what is expected in an exam or interview helps minimize the performance anxiety!

This morning I was, surprisingly, more nervous than I am in actual coaching sessions! I find challenges in coaching a "fake"scenario rather than a real client, as the energies feel less fluid and authentic, and also because I know every word I use will be heard with razor-sharp discernment by people with clipboards and pencils and rubrics.

And yes, I heard myself make mistakes! One time I said "Tell me more..." (a no-no, too directive). One time I bobbled and asked a "stacked" question (more than one question at a time, confusing to clients). One time I accidentally phrased a "yes/no" or "closed" question instead of an open ended question. But, as the examiner pointed out, I also moved the client forward to the desired end on their own terms. I’m honestly not too worried that I will “fail” this test - but I won’t hear any debriefing, just a simple “pass/fail.” I am going to give myself a “pass” grade until I hear otherwise.

I know my flaws... and my bad habits. It's healthy to keep staying curious and listening for them, and always, always, working towards growth and improvement.

Like anyone else, I sometimes have to forgive myself in that "good enough" doesn't need to mean "perfect."

So now, I sit back, realize I did a good job (not perfect), make myself a nice cup of tea, breathe deeply to let go of that inevitable “exam tension” - and move on.

Wishing you just enough anxiety/stress to keep you moving forwards towards growth and improvement, and just enough self-compassion and forgiveness to be good enough but not perfect.